Michael has a very college-like look about him. Standing tall at what I would say a little over six feet, he dresses well enough in clothes that fit perfectly and typically wears a baseball cap backwards. It's perfect, really, that he should look as he does. He tells me that he is a member of Ohio University's Student Senate, an organization I know so little about. But just the name should imply a certain look about him; one of professionalism and calmness. He manages to maintain this whether he be walking around campus or sitting in Alden, watching me scribble notes on whatever he says. Michael is able to sit motionless, a skill I admire, which is something that surprises me given the extra stress he must endure from being a student, working at his job and participating in numerous groups on campus.
He's built like an athlete, a form he says he acquired in high school. Even so, everything about his face says that he is one of the most friendly types of people you can meet. He has a long smile, not afraid to show off purely white teeth. His eyes squint up a little whenever he does so, and his forehead shifts forward a bit revealing a tiny amount of brownish-blond hair. His features scream the word 'charisma', which is a trait I imagine comes off as very important to him.
I love the charisma part. Definitely a good start to your piece. I think maybe to show his charisma better you could describe his body language, when he is talking to people? This person sounds interesting and look forward to reading about him!
ReplyDeleteI love that you initially describe him as the quintessential college guy, that right there gave me a good basis to go off. I think it would be good if you could include what makes him different. If you look really close do you notice something unique about him? You really skillfully included how he carries himself, which adds a lot.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that last part seems really important. This is a profile of charisma, maybe.
ReplyDeleteWhat I'd say by way of nudging is that until that point everything about Michael seems frustratingly typical. What's novel about him? Why are you interested? Why are we interested? Is he actually not so poised? Is he kind of a weirdo, too?
Or are you going to go a different direction with this? Could be that you end up profiling someone and writing about yourself, too. Maybe he's a foil.
Dave
I also like the "college guy" description, because like Camille said, it gives a good basis for the reader, especially readers like us. The only thing that I would say is maybe explain what this "charisma" means in relation to him as a person.
ReplyDeleteI was just about to write that this guy seems pretty typical, until I glanced up at Dave's comment, and now I feel like I have to write something else.
ReplyDeleteExcept I can't think of anything else to say. He seems too typical. I know my comment is really late (sorry) but maybe find something dark about him? Or mixed-up? Answer that typical college-entry question "What makes you different than everyone else?"