Both "Men at Night" and "Love, Science, and Comics: The Nerdscapade" primarily revolve around a sense of uneasiness, but within each main character lies a bit of expectancy. David Huddle is ready to make his jump, while Alicia is sure that a relationship with this boy would never work out. In the end, Huddle is unexpectedly called back from the jump and Alicia finds that her potential relationship could totally work out (and it does).
I think the primary difference here is in how the author decides to handle that feeling of the unknown. With Huddle, he gives no hints up to the point of flat-out revealing that the plans have changed. This leads to a build-up of suspense, leaving the reader wondering what is going to happen when he makes that jump. In Alicia's essay, we are constantly given hints that the relationship works out ("even now I still joke about how he had to have somehow had ancestors that were trees" and "it was not by his family at all, they as a whole were and still are sweeter than a tall glass of southern-style sweet tea" come to mind). I think that's something Alicia could take from Huddle: the addition of suspense. Maybe lead us on to believe that there isn't exactly a happy ending.
Overall, my main point is that while I find Alicia's own anxiety and expectations to have been in place during the scenes expressed in the essay, I don't feel like it's completely passed on to the reader, and that's where she could take her essay next.
Braden that makes so much sense! I got a sense of uneasiness from both pieces, but I would have never thought to compare them because they seemed like very different uneasiness. After reading this post and thinking about it, I think that is because I could tell the uneasiness in Alicia's piece works out just fine. I agree that a little but more mystery would probably be beneficial. Sometimes having things spelled out less pulls the reader in more.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree, with both you and Camille, and I don't think I knew what more I wanted from Alicia's essay until I saw this. Definitely being a little more mysterious would end to her piece, and I think adding just a little more uneasiness such as describing a fight between her and Ryan. Something to make the ending a little less predictable and cookie cutter (which I will now pass on to Alicia!).
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